You believe everything is ok. You have your guy. Maybe somewhere in the very back of your mind there is this uneasyness telling you not everything is ok. Yet you want to believe it is. Then he says it: it´s over.

Your heart is broken. You picture your future without him: it´s not because he was "perfect", because you know he wasn´t, but he was who you had and now you´re alone. Again. And there is no way to replace him soon, nobody is lining up to date you.

That is what hurts the most. The older you get, the more difficult it is to meet people. Now you have to start all over again, and it might take considerable time. You either face that you wasted your time or... maybe you can get him back! Yes! That´s it! Maybe if you call him, and explain to him, and reason with him, and change for him, maybe he will see how wonderful you are and not leave you. And then you will not have to start all over again. Hell, you started all over again so many times... you don´t want to start again another time.

Except... the reason he told you to break up with you might or might not be the real one but here is the truth: he doesn´t want to be with you anymore. That is final. No matter what you say or do, he won´t come back. He´s better without you, even when you accomodated your whole life for him, even when you catered to his every whim.

If you are in this situation and you are heartbroken, then I know the breakup wasn't your idea. You want to understand what happened.

In a few cases, it´s completely unexpected. As in one day he is proposing and the next he´s telling you he doesn't love you anymore. I believe that nothing is completely unexpected in relationships, but unless he has some sort of psychological issue, he was lying to you and playing the "we get along" game because he was scared to tell you it was over a long time ago.

Sometimes he is doing whatever it takes in your face for you to find out he´s no longer interested and that you break up with him first to avoid the conflict. Except you don´t want to see what is going on until you find him in bed with someone else, only to feel that only if you had let him do that in bed then he wouldn´t have cheated. It´s never like that.

And more likely, you saw the break up coming but you wanted to ignore the red signs:

  • He was always busy: to see you even for coffee, to text, to show up in time, to plan for a date. Unvariably, he was not busy to meet with other people, or visit his mom, or text his buddy about those game tickets. Strange, isn´t it? No, he just wasn't interested in you anymore. It hurts, I know. It doesn't make it less of a truth.
  •  He´s gone missing: Suddenly he was super difficult to find and you ended up stalking him. If it was long distance, he was never on Skype or whatever you were using to chat.  He was not missing, he just didn´t want to talk to you anymore and disappearing was easier than telling you upfront that your relationship was just sex for him or a casual thing.
  • He told you flat out he was not attracted to you anymore, and you didn´t believe him: Instead you insisted and talked to him to work it out, to find out what was wrong with you (there is nothing wrong with you!) and to figure how you could fix it (you can´t!)
Men are not as complicated as women. When they act as if they're not interested, it's because they are REALLY not interested. If they are busy but interested, they will make time for you, even if it's 30 mins or a text. 

I know it hurts. I know it sucks. I know you want to hang on to him because you feel nobody else will come after him. 

If the guy is not attracted to you, and if he´s breaking up with you, he´s definitely not attracted enough, there is nothing you can do about it. What you CAN do is to heal your heart and move on because the more time you spend on someone who is not interested, the more time it will take you to find people who ARE interested in you and love you the way you are.